I’ve had this on draft for a while and now I don’t really know what to say, but I guess the best thing is to start from the beginning.
I was brought up in the church and all of that and went to a catholic school, been baptized and I’ve had my holy communion. During my younger days I really believed in God and followed my “religion”. I used to pray a lot go to to church every Sunday even if my mum didn’t go I would go by myself every week and used to alter serve on Sundays.
My time growing up was really hard and I would always pray for things to get better but it only just got worse as the years went on. There were outside situations I couldn’t control and after year 8, which was the worst year of my life and ever since then I gave up and God and religion. To me it just became a thing where it was like if you run into a wall enough times you’re going to realise it hurts your head and that’s what happened to me, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. All the stories in the bible of God doing this, answering a prayer, showing a sign or speaking to someone has never happened to me and if a man was talking to a bush on fire in today’s age you would call him crazy. You would think if you created something you would want it to be the best thing ever right?
People sometimes tell me things like “God put this here as a test so you can learn etc.” but there is never a lesson from it unless it’s “People are going to treat you like shit regardless,” which to me does not make any sense to me. One of the people I’ve been taught from young that “loves me so much” has never shown any type of love in my life and you know actions speak louder than words (which I’ve got none of anyway).
I feel some people are kind of brainwashed by it and they’re so fixated on this idea that God is everything and can do everything when in the real world it doesn’t really work like that. Some people are soo ughhhh as well (I couldn’t find another word lol), the way one of my friends was going on about gay people like they are a some sickening disease or something and I’m asking her why and shes going on about “In the bible it says this” and “God didn’t that” and it’s like open your eyes and live YOUR OWN LIFE. All these things are bullshit, how can you base your opinion on a whole group of people based on a silly ideology that isn’t even anything in the real world actually go and interact or surround yourself then make up your mind from YOUR experience. They’re just like any other person regardless of their sexuality and it’s just weird to me how you haven’t learnt from life to see things differently or gain knowledge from REAL WORLD experiences. And I’m so, so sorry but Jehovah Witnesses are the worst of the worst, that shit is real brainwashment (I know it’s not a word) on another level (I’m sorry to all the Jehovah Witnesses but I’m not sorry at the same time.)
From my life experiences I’ve gained different perspectives on a lot of things and it sounds bad when I put it like this so I’m going to explain after but I think every single one of us is “God” (well the idea of him anyway). Regardless of where you come from, race, sexuality or whatever the case may be, we should all be trying to help each other and love one another but that would be in a perfect world and unfortunately that’s not the world we live in. I’m also not saying that if you follow a certain religion you’re wrong because who am I to tell you that and if you feel it’s really good for you then you definitely should. I honestly don’t care what you believe in as long as you’re good to me I will be good to you and that’s how it should be and I shall continue to do so.
I wouldn’t consider myself an atheist either because i don’t like that word but I do feel like the universe works in mysterious ways that we don’t know.