Ships (Saturday 26th May 2018)

I don’t know how to articulate this properly but I’ll try, and hopefully I don’t miss anything out.

Lately I’ve been learning about me and how I act through a certain situation. I feel like I always give more than what people give me and I put out more to show a person how much they mean to me, but they still treat me like nothing and I think it makes them add even a more of a distance towards me (not everyone, but in certain situations). Or they start off fine and they drift off without a reason and I again end up putting more effort into that person to show I still want that same level of connection/ interaction with them, but again they continue to add distance between me and them without reason.

I’m very¬†susceptible to doing that and before it’s made me hurt even more than I should in the first place, but I now have a realisation of what I’m doing and I’m realising that no matter what I do they’re still going to treat me like a dickhead and it’s probably even worse because I’m putting extra effort into someone that isn’t giving it back the same.

It hurts because you really care for the person but after all this time I’ve learnt and I think it’s best to not entertain any person until they show the level of consistency in how I wanted to be treated and if anyone chooses to push me away that’s the distance I’ll stay. I feel I’m slowly losing my “niceness” and the gradual decrease of it is such a good thing thing for me because I really do let people walk over me and the way my minds been messed up, it should be one strike and out with anyone.

I also learnt that It’s also better not to ask questions if something is bothering you and let it play out because either way they’ll lie to you or tell you what you want to here (which is pretty much the same thing anyway)

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