Monday 16th July 2018 (Why Am I Not Good Enough?)

(This is probably going to be very moist, but I actually don’t care)

I’ve made so many strides in a very short amount of time, changed a lot of my mind set in nearly all aspects of my life, but if there is one thing I feel incredibly hopeless in…

(Now I’m thinking how to be vague whilst still letting you know what I’m talking about)

Has anyone ever had those thoughts of why you’re never good enough? What is it about about me that makes every single one of them push me away? Whatever that has been said to me I always feel it’s to spare me because then it makes me think even more where the problem lies, but the common denominator is always me. Whatever I did in my past life or whatever spell has been put on me I’m sorry, whoever it needs to be addressed to I’m sorry. No matter what I do, with however much effort and intent I always get shunned after a while and it really solidifies how terrible I must be because there is no other explanation.

You know you’ve lost your head when you start looking through twitter likes or some shit like that and there’s always something that makes you go “But…” But you hold it in because really it isn’t your place and honestly what good does it do you. It’s funny how during these things we always look knowing it’s going to upset you, like why do we do it?

My life was honestly so much better when I didn’t have social media because I was wrapped around my life and I wasn’t exposed to anything that made me feel a certain type of way (I won’t come off it again, I know my friends are tired off re-following me lol). Like when you’re scrolling through Instagram and ‘that picture’ comes up everytime and you get butterflies in your stomach and your heart does that whoosh feeling ().

You got to suck it, I have to suck it up. I was very good at doing that (until somebody), but ever since then I just feel the need to do it or I’ll end up exploding one way or another, but I don’t really have a choice right now. I’ve been told wag1 (what’s going on) already so I can’t get mad, but its like… (you know when you’re trying to speak but words won’t come out every time you try, yeah that). Right now I’m really going through it and that feeling will always be there, the only difference between me and now and before is that I could not function at all before (believe me I was a wreck, I would only get up to use the toilet), which is a good thing because I can still get what I need to get done, but the one thing that bugs me about it is someday in the future there will be someone else that comes into the picture and they’ll have their Shrek ending or something and I’ll always think to myself

Why I Wasn’t Good Enough.

(I’m sorry if there are mistakes. When I write stuff like this I don’t like reading it again to check for the mistakes so sorry if there is)

6 Comments Add yours

  1. gary j says:

    see, you wrote this. I think it is very good, honest. sometimes it is not the answer, but the question. Peace and love to you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. officialosi says:

      That’s an interesting though, and thank you. Same to you as well

      Like

  2. Now this is something even google can’t answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. officialosi says:

      I know, but I would be so much better without it lol

      Like

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