Thursday 4th October 2018

Start of the new month, a start of a new journal. To be honest with you I don’t really have anything to say… Since the carnival antics, all I’ve been doing is applying for jobs and nothing has come to fruition. Every day I’m at home applying for jobs (AKA doing nothing) just makes me seem like a failure and it upsets me. It feels like this dark cloud is over me and it’s destined to continue clouding over me, no matter how hard I try to come out the other side. I’ve never had anything go or going for me and the future is looking very distant because I can’t even see it all. On top of that, I’ve just been feeling really weird mentally. I have a lot more control over myself and my mental state over the recent months, but it’s weird. Imagine being; stressed, extremely anxious, frustrated, confused etc. But at the same time feeling extremely calm about everything. It’s honestly the weirdest feeling ever.

I also don’t know why, but I’ve been really bipolar with my feelings lately. It’s weird that out of all the people that have come and gone in my life this one person is always present in my mind. I don’t really want to talk about it too much on this post because I’m going to write something on it real soon so look out for that.

In the meantime though, I do have another interview coming up this Friday and hopefully I get the job,

Image result for sarcastic gif

(You can tell I’m so excited for it)

otherwise I’m just going to have to end up in retail or something, which I’ve been trying to avoid since finishing University because it feels like I’m not progressing even more so, in fact. It feels like a step backward.

 

P.S. I know life isn’t easy and I wasn’t expecting it to be, but there’s a lot of things that make you question a lot of things. But for real though, what is actually life?

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