African Parents & Comparison

I didn’t expect to be writing the second part so soon, but this one here is one of the most annoying ones out of all of them because COMPARISON IS NOT MOTIVATION!

From as early as I can remember this has been the norm for me. “X Y Z is doing this” “Look at what Z is doing” “X Y Z have all finished doing this” etc. etc. I could honestly go on for days. And the thing is, it was always done in a way to make you feel less of a person. I don’t know if it’s just a Nigerian thing, but they always have to throw in an insult, it’s like it’s in the blood. Those type of remarks will always end with something like “While you’re here being so and so” or always adding one sly indirect, as if I don’t know that it’s me that you’re talking about. The funny thing is that more time than not, the people they use to compare you with are worse than you lol.

Image result for nick young gif

They don’t even know what these people be getting up to some other shit behind all that and sometimes you have to laugh about it.

Seriously though, always being compared to another person in a way in which YOU ARE ALWAYS DOING WORSE is not beneficial for a child or any person in fact. In truth you’ll begin to view yourself more negatively and it makes you really believe that you really aren’t good enough and you end up chasing shadows. My first thought when I was younger after a while used to be “Go adopt them since I’m such a disappointment to you then,” but over the years I’ve kind of learned how to block it out. For me personally, I was already going through a tough time “Not being normal” and that added baggage of “Not being good enough” is something I didn’t need and till this day I don’t.

Comparison isn’t motivation, it’s poison. Another toxic trait African parents need to let go off seriously. Everyone has different times so that comparison will kill you. Just because Shola got a job straight after uni and you’re here 6 months in working in retail still looking for your career job, it shouldn’t be something to bring you down. Your time will come my g.

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Sophia Ismaa says:

    And you can never fire back with an “Omg x persons mums is cooking the best” or you’ll get waterworks. I don’t know much about how it works for you, do you guys talk about these things? Or is that something that’s not usually the done thing? In my family, we did this, mostly the younger generation, and now we’re not allowed to compare ourselves to one another! Thank God.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. officialosi says:

      Lol trust me. I have said things like “They don’t have to do this when…” and you know when you get that no response because they know you’re right. And I have brought it up before and although it’s better it just seems to be part of the genetic makeup, it’s always there

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sophia Ismaa says:

        YUP! OMG, when a parent goes quiet, you know you’re right. Hmm, I guess this will be an obstacle for our generation, we’ll have to ensure that we don’t do this with our own siblings and the next generation that follows. We’ll have to create a better environment and I feel we will do this better because we’ll be better equipped. I think because we’ve lived in such a hugely competitive job market, we understand how important it is to support each other and make sure we don’t inflict damage to our loved ones self-esteem. So, yup, it’s all on our generation to do.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Clarissa says:

    I used to be the one parents would compare their kids to. They also didn’t know that all the shit I am supposedly good at, I didn’t want it because kids would then fucking be mean to me. And I am like, oh you want to get your ass beat so many times for failing simple math at 5th grade! I had to wake up two hours before school to study and after school went to tutoring then went home and my dad make me learn again before bed. Hell NAW.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. officialosi says:

      I think it’s something that just passed down because of not knowing any better, but we should know what’s good for our children

      Like

      1. Clarissa says:

        Most definitely, I already see myself becoming more like them

        Liked by 1 person

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