I was thinking about a business, but I didn’t fully know which business or how to approach the letter until I remembered something that happened recently. I was going to save this post for something completely different later, but I feel I should write this just to put this energy into the air.
Our journey started from Instagram to WhatsApp, to phone calls, all the way up to meet each other (after how many years 🙄).
I didn’t exactly know what to make of you beforehand as you were many things in my head. But after finally meeting you this year, you gave me a new outlook on who you truly are.
The sometimes annoying, slightly insecure (maybe more than slightly), presumptions, somewhat irrational, impulsive at times, so on and so forth, turned out to be quite a sweet girl underneath all of that.
I know what you wanted, but I couldn’t commit to something before not seeing you. By the time it got to that stage I was already tired of the whole situation as you dragged it for too long. But I still wanted to see you as I didn’t want this to be a COMPLETE waste of time.
Anyway, what happened happened that night, and what led after that night happened and now we’re here.
I have always been clear with you and not once have I said anything if I wasn’t one hundred on it. You’re a sweet girl, yes but I’m not attracted to you enough (I would get into why, but I don’t want to turn this sour). Transparency is key, and I told you before we met that I was done with the idea of a relationship. As usual, you threw your little temper tantrum until it was all “fine.” But I’m not stupid, and neither are you.
Despite your constant denial of it, we could see you still liked me. And some of the things (well all of them) that you got mad at me about…well, you just didn’t have the authority to be, and that shit annoyed me.
We used to speak every day, but what you needed to understand is people have their own lives as well. The time leading up to us “not talking” I was going through my own battles, and my way of dealing with things that are troubling me is to close up and distance myself. To keep talking to you felt like such a chore at the time and I didn’t have the energy to keep it up, so I stopped until I would be good enough to come back.
We already established we are friends right? Is it by force that friends have to speak to each other every day? I thought it would be fine, I mean you were moving on with your life which I always championed, but because I didn’t say anything, you went back to your ways.
Now you’ve had your outbursts before, in fact, you’ve told me you never want to speak to me again so many times I’ve lost count. But I knew deep down you didn’t really want that, you just wanted a reaction, but I was tired of the cycle.
Don’t get mad if you ask me to delete your number and I actually do it. Say what you mean or mean what you say because I can’t be arsed with all of that shit.
The way I was feeling at that point I just couldn’t be bothered to go through that cycle anymore, and it was not the energy I needed in my life at that point,
so I blocked you.
I’ve finally made the decision for you, and I hope you’re happy. But the thing is, I don’t hate you at all, In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
I know you’re never going to see this, and I know you can finally paint me as the “bad guy” you’ve continuously bestowed upon me (which at this point I don’t care about anymore), but I genuially want you to find happiness. I feel your past relationships have left a deep hole in your heart (which isn’t your fault), that you crave companionship so much so you can fill it, and that’s not the validation you need. I feel there’s a lot of you that needs to heal, and there’s a lot of you that needs to found. And I’m hoping you get to that place where you truly feel on top of the world no matter what your circumstance is. But hey, what do I know.
If you ever see this (which I highly doubt) I just want you to know I wish the best for you in everything you do, and eternal happiness, but I feel it’s best if I’m not in the picture anymore.