I could review a product or service, but I don’t think that would be interesting. And to be honest with you. The only products and services I really use are my; laptop, phone, and the TFL (and don’t let me get started on that). So I’ve decided to review the thing I know most about, which is my life 🙃.
I feel that when we are children anything is possible, and we are sponges. Everything we come intact with we absorb, and that was basically me. My mum being Nigerian (and you know the rhetoric they push on their children) it was always “Doctor this” and “Doctor that.”
That’s all I knew really, so that’s what I was going for. When I was younger I was exceptional at science, honestly. If there was one thing I was excelling in, it was definitely that. But as the years went by I began to hate science more and more,
and I just became lost.
The only other thing I really liked WITH A PASSION was football. But I never had the confidence to fully express myself in it (which I’ll get into later).
So I reach secondary school, and the boy right here is trapped. Too scared to tell my mum that I don’t want to do this doctor thing anymore, but at the same time I had no clear path to where I was actually going. If I had to describe my time in school, It felt like the movie Get Out. As in I was watching from the inside and I was on autopilot for the whole day, then I would come home to my “safety haven” and hide from the world. Honestly, I had no drive to do anything because I didn’t know where the hell I was going, and everything felt pointless.
College was college. Same bullshit. Still doing the same sciences that I began to hate during the end of primary school (so you can imagine how I felt about it at that point), but again, there was no other “option” for me. There’s not much I can say about college, to be honest. I was just there innit.
Oh and by the way. I did very badly in both secondary school and college, but somehow, I managed to get myself into uni. And guess what I was doing…
You guessed it,
Uni, uni, uni. I don’t want to talk too much about university because I have a dedicated post for each of my four years coming soon. What I will say though is that I definitely experienced every single aspect of “life” in one go, instead of that gradual process that should have started from secondary school.
Towards the end of my torture, I did end up finding a light. And though I’ve been working towards it ever since continuously, I sort of feel how I did at school now.
With all my experiences and things I’ve been through. Looking back at my life in hindsight.
I am fucking shit lol.
I wish I was the person I am now, then. I am by no means perfect finished article, but I’ll tell you what. I would have definitely handled the situations thrown AND GIVEN to me a lot better. But then again, I wouldn’t be who I am now without them, right?
I think being self-aware is a fundamental element in life (in which I am), but despite how bad people used to treat me, the abuse I got daily, the words I received from even my mother and etc.
I wasn’t strong enough.
I wasn’t strong enough to deal with it, and despite all the external factors (in which I don’t downplay in how they affected me as a person), I made terrible decisions, or miss out on opportunities that would be benefiting me right now because of them.
All these things are my fault, and fast forwarding to today, I’m way behind in terms of where I should be. And don’t get it twisted, I still suffer from those things from my past, but they don’t stop me functioning like it used to. And I feel I fucked myself up (despite everything).
I don’t necessarily have regrets per se, but there are definitely things that I should have done (like asking that girl to be my girlfriend during school times), but what can I do expect think of why I didn’t do it then.
I guess I should probably give my life a rating (as this is a review). So, if I had to give my life a star rating out of five. I would probably give it 2/5 stars (and that’s me being a tad bit nice). And though I’ve made incredible strides, there’s so much more I need to do better going forward, and I’m trying, but it’s hard.