Down below, you know the drill:
This is probably going to be the only post for this year, but we’ll see as I go.
This was a weird year honestly, and after somehow getting through to my final year (bar the module I didn’t do) I thought this would be a fresh start, and I could push on from here. Also, “she’s” not in the picture anymore, so all my problems would be gone right? Nope. At first, I was pumped to finish well in my “last chance saloon,” but after the first module, everything went downhill.
The “interactive” side of university slowly decreased year by year due to my friends getting into relationships and of course university obligations. Because I had to do an extra year, nearly all the people I started with had graduated, so there was only a few of the “Golden Generation” left, and Coventry became the loneliest it had been ever. I did try and go out, but that shit was not like it used to be, I mean, there wasn’t even a line to get in like before, so that avenue became pointless.
Being at home and not being able to just “go somewhere” was extremely suffocating, and being in a house where there’s no real connection with anyone made it even worse. I was just trapped in the four walls of my bedroom after university with no outlet.
On top of that, my will “to finish” quickly faded and I was in this weird state of numbness.
Nothing in this world mattered, including me.
With that “feeling” heavy on me, I just stopped going into uni and stopped doing any type of work again. It got to the point where I was called in for a meeting to discuss what was going on and how they could help. Prior, I had actually gone to the GP to talk about my mental health. They ended up prescribing me antidepressants (though I didn’t take them), but after my meeting with the uni, they offered me counseling through their services as a way to help.
To keep it real with you I only went to 2 sessions because I thought she was tired of me after the second one, but even before that, I had started to go through my changes. I deleted all my social media accounts because I became waaayyy too wrapped up in it (and I was preeing people I shouldn’t be preeing), and instead of scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, I let things come naturally to me. That’s when I started drawing again, writing poetry and music and a book (though I stopped that one), which led me to make this blog. Because all of these things had a creative element, I thought what is the most practical way I can use creativity to sustain myself in the “real world.” That then led me to Marketing, and after extensive research, and many years of anguish, I had finally found what I want to do with my life.
With something to strive towards, I just told myself “Let me just finish this thing so I can move on with my life.”
And that’s what I ended up doing.
After completing both the modules I didn’t do beforehand and the ones I had to do for the current year, I managed to graduate from Coventry University doing Biochemical Sciences.
But If I’m being totally honest with y’all, I don’t even care. I didn’t even want to go to graduation because I have nothing to celebrate and I personally don’t deem it with the high regard that society has made it to be. I didn’t graduate with something “worthy of showing,” and I just want everything from the end of uni back to be left behind me in the depths of the ocean. If I show where my certificate is you’ll actually laugh lol. But if there’s one thing I can say before I end…
I wish I knew better before I started this whole journey.
“FINALLY!” Some people must be thinking, “I’ve reached the end.” Well… not quite. I will give my take of the whole experience from my perspective now in my next post (and it might surprise you). In the meantime, I know this post from this series has been very bare, so I’ll leave y’all with a couple of pictures from my fourth year.