More than anyone I am very aware of my behaviour and emotions. 9/10 I will take full responsibility for every situation whether “it actually was my fault.” I was thinking about this recently and I’ve noticed this for a long time, but I swear there is this one thing that truly affects me, and I’ve noticed how my behaviour changes because of it, but despite me taking responsibility for everything, I don’t think this is mine.
When you’ve been through the same thing in multiple situations, it changes your behaviour on it. Of course, YOU have control of your behviour, and can choose to react in whichever way you want, but somethings can really scar you for life, and I don’t think it’s your fault, but just an evolving feature of humans, kind of the same way where rat poison isn’t as efficient as it used to be.
I just think there are a few things the mind want’s to protect us from when we have been through non-stop trauma, so maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up about it.