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I’m sure most people have gone through relationships and come out the other side with nothing to show from it. Somewhere somehow it’s all gone south. Whether that’s been because the person cheated on you, lied, or a reoccurring theme in my life which is they just plain ghosted on you. Some people have stumbled more than others, but through each person, there’s always something you take from them. But it’s also important not to carry it over to the next person.
The times when a relationship (or a brewing of one) does fail, we somehow tend to either look on everything that person did, completely blame ourselves, or “change,” which is probably the worst out of the three, but here is my take on it.
Through each shitty situation (basically my whole catalogue) I feel you should take your time to truly feel the pain of the situation before moving on. The problem that usually occurs is that we start to mold that pain into something else, and that’s when we begin to change (becoming heartless, bottling emotions, changing actual characteristics etc.), and when we keep doing this from person to person, what you’re actually doing is messing up your mental framework, digging up a whole that will be very hard to climb up from.
Now you’ve dug up this whole and put yourself firmly inside it, every person that you cross in a “romantic manner” is now trying to pull you up from this hole. It’s almost as if you’re expectations are so low that it has now become their job to pull you up to the level they are at so you can both see eye to eye. You can imagine doing that will leave the other person tired of the situation, which will result in them leaving, probably digging more of a hole for them, but also digging more a whole for yourself lowering your expectations even more, when it is you who should be lifting yourself out of the hole, and I say all of this to say this.
Yes, there are some fucked up people in this world who will hurt you. Yes, there are some people who will leave you hanging out of the blue. But we are also creating this cycle of bottomless pits, and it’s going to get to a point where everyone is so deep in this whole that there will be hardly anyone left to try and pull anyone up from it.
Here Are 5 Lessons You Can Take From This
1. After a breakup or something of those sorts, take the time to truly feel the emotions of the situation until you feel calm enough to proceed again.
2. Do not hook up or form a relationship with someone else straight after In this emotional state, you’ll do more bad than good, in turn making you feel even worse.
3. Never change something about you for the next person because you’re scared the same thing might happen again. Hey, if you like to send appreciation texts every afternoon send it. Don’t second guess your character because of some person.
4. Try and stay in the present at all times because I know they may be triggers that can bring you back to the past. If you can train your body to stay right in the moment every time (especially when you see yourself going back), it’ll do wonders. Meditation is a great way to help you do that, and I would highly recommend it.
5. Don’t take it personally, these people are not your life remember that. As much as they were part of it, they have no bearing to what you do what so ever. If they decided to leave you, cheat on you, etc. that’s on them and not on you.
What lessons have you taken from past relationships? Do your past relationship issues still affect you currently? What tips can you share? Please feel free to comment so we can all have a discussion and help each other.
In association with the Berry Dating App dedicated to Black Love #BlackLoveMatters