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The art of conversation. Such a major thing in life let alone talking to someone you’re interested in. For me anyway it’s hard to get someone who you can talk to freely without overthinking each step because of past circumstances, but even when you’re lucky enough to find that person you still need to have a ‘swagger’ with your conversation skills.
This applies to both in person and messaging, but let’s say you’ve finally matched with someone on the Berry dating app (coming soon) and now you have to start a conversation. What would be your opening line?
Well, it definitely should not be “Hey.” Never ever start a conversation with “Hey.” You need to grab their attention first and foremost, and the best way to do that is asking a question, an open-ended question more importantly. You’re probably asking “How will I know what question to open with?” Well, I’m about to tell you how.
Sticking to the theme of the app, people will have information about themselves in their bio, added interests, etc. All the information people put about themselves is free ammo to use for a conversation, but then again, not everybody uses these features, so what will you do then?
Well, this is what I like to call a scout report.
If they haven’t written any information about themselves in their bio (or the information is irrelevant) THEN LOOK THROUGH THEIR PICTURES. I’m telling you now there’s always something to pick out from their pictures, whether it’s in the background or on them. For example, there was this one girl I matched with on Tinder and her bio was irrelevant to her, so I went through her pictures. In one of them, she was wearing a Man United shirt so I said: “Are you feeling alright because you must have bumped your head to be wearing a Man U shirt.”
Delivery is key (which I’ll get into later), but that playful opener set the tone for the whole conversation, and grabbed her attention early. For me personally, I feel banter is key, and having a little playful back and forth is good in a conversation (although this isn’t for everyone). I say that delivery is key because even when you ask open-ended questions there needs to be a certain swagger to it, it shouldn’t feel like an interview. That’s why adding that “banter” or “playful” element is key when you’re talking because it makes the conversation fun.
Now, this isn’t full proof because someone else can give you nothing back regardless (in which you shouldn’t waste your time), but the main things to take away from this are:
1. Try and ask open ended questions when you can: Open ended questions lead to answers that can give you more questions to get to know the person.
2. Have swagger with your conversation: Be playful with your conversation style to make the conversation more engaging.
3. If they don’t have the right energy LEAVE: Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t ask you questions back.
4. Never start a conversation with “Hey”: It’s boring, and it’s more likely they won’t respond.
5. Use the information given to you: Pick up on tattoos, hair style, clothing etc. for conversation topics.
Even I need help on this subject so any of your tips would be helpful for me and for anybody else reading so please feel free to share in the comments below.
In association with the Berry Dating App dedicated to Black Love #BlackLoveMatters