Monday 16th September 2019 (19:00)

You don’t know this, but I’ve hated how our relationship has been for the longest. Ever since that “thing” happened, things have never been the same. What we have now is not even a caricature of the past because at least there are some similarities with that. I don’t think it’s just me, but I’m more black and white with things today because it’s easier for my mental. Never pretend something didn’t happen because the past is already written.

From my perspective, I don’t really know what to call this anymore, and although we still speak from time to time, it’s not how it used to be before. The person you present in front of me I don’t know, and I know that you’re still there, but you’ve closed that door on me with no code. As bad as it sounds it’s better when we don’t speak. Because then I forget that things aren’t how they used to be by the way you talk to me. And words can’t explain how numb this has become for me.

The numbness is just as intense as the times of before, and it’s clear as day it’s not coming back anymore. I know you, but I don’t know “this,” and it’s something I can’t ignore. I write this emotionally emotionless, coz I…

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